No Other Mother

Sitting here looking at my Sweet Pea this morning, and my Little Princess, I felt compelled to write some raw true feelings that I, as a foster/adoptive mother feel toward my little ones.  When you start fostering with the intent to adopt, I feel it is much more difficult to keep your feelings of possessiveness, righteousness, etc. under wraps.  I must admit, that from the get-go, especially with Little Princess, our daughter we adopted through foster care, I felt an instant bond, an instant feeling that "This baby is mine."  Pretty much the same with Sweet Pea.  There was that first wary feeling of unease with both of them, such as being in a dream-like state, as in "Is this really happening?  Am I really holding a baby in my arms? (after such a long wait.) But then, the Mama Bear instincts take over.  Then, as time passes, and we move through the case, with bio parents either completely disappearing or only visiting sporadically, the full-time feelings of "I am the only Mother to this child" start to kick in. 
Now, close to the end of our journey, the feeling of "There is No Other Mother" is as strong as a strong could be in my heart. Now, I do know that these children have birth parents, and am forever respectful of the fact that they brought them into this world, but as the saying goes, anyone can be a mother, but not everyone can be a mommy. Am I selfish to say these things?  Some of you may think yes, maybe.  Sometimes I feel yes, maybe.  But, given the circumstances with the bio parents, I think it's totally  natural to feel this way.  I feel Sweet Pea's bio mother feels the mommy wand has shifted as well. She is still visiting as the courts allow until the final hearing, though she signed her rights away.  When I hand Sweet Pea to her at a visit, bio mother always says thank you for bringing her, and when I come back to pick her up, bio mom says "Look who's here, and gets Sweet Pea all excited to see me."  She has also thanked me for adopting her and giving her a good life.
When we took in 2 year old Cutie Patootie as an emergency placement this past summer, we knew she would most likely be going to her grandparents.  We already were placed with Sweet Pea, and did not have intentions of adopting Cutie Patootie.  (Though we would have if the grandparents were not given custody).  She was with us for 3 months, and I did not have that possessive feeling, I think because adoption was not our intent.)
Anyway, I intended this blog to be not only a journal of my journey, but a real and honest tale  to share with others who may be just starting their journey, whether my opinions are popular or not~so they may have an insight into this process.  Also, to give and receive support from other foster/adoptive parents.
Blessings to you,
The Queen Mama

What a Merry Christmas ~ Aggravated Circumstances

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas in 2012.  We received news that the judge did in fact grant aggravated circumstances on the bio father, and that a termination of parental rights hearing for him, and a consent to adoption hearing (giving up parental rights) for the bio mother have been scheduled on the same day in March.  So, three more months of bio mom being allowed visitation, and three more months to see if bio Dad decides to voluntarily sign consent.  In my heart of hearts, I know that we will be making this beautiful little Sweet Pea a part of our family forever in 2013.
Ever faithful,
Blessings,
The Queen Mama

Still No News

Bio Mom scheduled visit last week, then canceled.  But kept visit with her other children the next day.  Hasn't scheduled a visit this week yet.  Caseworker said she doesn't know what's going on with her.  Caseworker also said that she has no new news for me.  Still no ruling on the aggravated circumstances hearing.  She said Bio Dad was very defiant and arrogant at the hearing.  He said since they (the county) started this, they can finish it.  Meaning, he will make them do the extra work of the termination hearing, instead of consenting to adoption and signing his rights over.  The lawyer pulled him aside after hearing and explained that it was in his best interests, since Bio Mom is pregnant again, that he sign consent for Sweet Pea so he could at least be around the new baby.  If rights are involuntarily terminated, he will not be permitted to be in a living situation with children for three years.  So, we will see.  Still no dates set for consent hearing for Bio Mom or termination hearing for Bio Dad.  Adopting through foster care can be a lot of hurry up and wait!
Blessings to you,
The Queen Mama

Aggravated Circumstances Hearing

Yesterday was the Bio Dad's aggravated circumstances hearing. I was told it would be quick, simple, and a done deal, and I didn't have to attend.  Well, the caseworker emailed me and told me that the judge did not make her decision, that she wanted to weigh the information and think things over and would get back to us in a few days.  Why does one need to weigh things over when Bio Dad hasn't seen his child in 10 months!? He has been in and out of jail, on the run, and when he was not incarcerated, he chose not to see her.  He had a visit with her about 3 times total.  Aggravated circumstances occur when a bio parent has not seen their child in 6 months.  I have to say that at times, this system overly frustrates me!!!

A Thankful Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving Day my dear readers!  So much to be thankful for today~my husband, who is such a hard worker and good provider for us, my children, my foster children, my extended family.  But most of all, I think I am just so thankful to have a warm, comforting, happy place to call home.  I think about foster children who are in group homes with no family contact, or those who are about to age out of the system with nowhere to go or no supports, and it humbles me to the point of tears.  I brought this point up with my children this morning to help them feel gratefulness for all of our blessings. If you are reading this, please consider ways you can help these foster children, whether it be by becoming a foster parent, spreading foster care awareness through your church or work place or donating clothing, toys, special items, etc. to your local county children and youth agency.
 To you and yours, may you be Blessed this Thanksgiving day and always.
The Queen Mama

Time is Up!

Time is up for Bio Mom to change her mind after signing her consent to adoption.  30 days of angst on our part, wondering if she would change her mind.  Even if she did, the case still would have gone to termination, but it would have meant a much longer journey.  Papers are being filed with the courts tomorrow and then a hearing for the judge to confirm the signing.  Papers are also being filed with the courts this week for termination of rights for the Bio Father, who is still incarcerated.  But, that is not the end.  We still have to wait for a termination hearing to be scheduled for him, and then a finalization hearing (adoption) , so we are looking at probably next March or April.  Bio Mom canceled her visit this past week, and cut her visit an hour short the week before, so I am curious as to whether she will request a visit this coming week.  We are so thankful for our little Sweet Pea, so humbled and grateful that God has chosen us to be her forever family.  So thankful that Birth Mom is at peace with the situation and that she insisted that Sweet Pea be adopted by us.
Many many blessings to you on your journey,
The Queen Mama

Do You Have a Foster Adoption Story?

Hello Dear Readers,
Do you have a foster adoption story you would like to tell?  Have you finalized your adoption, or are you just beginning your adoption story, and would like to guest post/blog?  Contact me at fosteradoptionmommy@gmail.com for more information!
Blessings,
The Queen Mama