Visits Almost Over!

Haven't posted in awhile, because it's been a relatively quiet month.  Bio Mom has set up 3 visits with Sweet Pea in January and canceled every single one of them.  Just got a request for another visit.  Caseworker told me after this visit (if bio Mom shows) she will be permitted one more final good-bye visit.  I am curious whether she will show for either, whether she will complain that she wants more visits until her termination date in a month, and whether she will confront me about post adoption contact.  She has only seen Sweet Pea about 10 times in her almost 14 months of life.  Being a foster adoption parent, at least from my perspective, is really, really hard sometimes.  My emotions are so torn-I am so happy for me that visits are stopping and we are moving to my little Sweet Pea becoming part of our forever family....yet , as a decent Christian human being, also feel a tug at my heartstrings for bio Mom, who no matter how unfit to parent, will have to say good-bye to her children soon.  As a parent myself, I would be devastated.  I truly pray that bio Mom is able to defeat all the demons in her life, and go on to be happy and productive. 
Blessings to you,
The Queen Mama

Foster Adoption Wishes for a Happy 2013

Happy New Year 2013 to you!  A new year means new beginnings, new perspectives, and possibly new foster children for our family.  We await placement as technically we are permitted one more child in our home per state rules.  We also await the final parental termination and final adoption hearings for our Sweet Pea.  We celebrate New Year's Eve with our children in our home~just us~playing games, eating snacks, and making our resolution lists.  We also pray for a happy, healthy, and prosperous new year.  I am sending up a special prayer for foster children everywhere, and families who are opening their hearts to them; for birth parents, and  I am praying for you on your foster/adoption journey. 
Many many blessings to you,
The Queen Mama

No Other Mother

Sitting here looking at my Sweet Pea this morning, and my Little Princess, I felt compelled to write some raw true feelings that I, as a foster/adoptive mother feel toward my little ones.  When you start fostering with the intent to adopt, I feel it is much more difficult to keep your feelings of possessiveness, righteousness, etc. under wraps.  I must admit, that from the get-go, especially with Little Princess, our daughter we adopted through foster care, I felt an instant bond, an instant feeling that "This baby is mine."  Pretty much the same with Sweet Pea.  There was that first wary feeling of unease with both of them, such as being in a dream-like state, as in "Is this really happening?  Am I really holding a baby in my arms? (after such a long wait.) But then, the Mama Bear instincts take over.  Then, as time passes, and we move through the case, with bio parents either completely disappearing or only visiting sporadically, the full-time feelings of "I am the only Mother to this child" start to kick in. 
Now, close to the end of our journey, the feeling of "There is No Other Mother" is as strong as a strong could be in my heart. Now, I do know that these children have birth parents, and am forever respectful of the fact that they brought them into this world, but as the saying goes, anyone can be a mother, but not everyone can be a mommy. Am I selfish to say these things?  Some of you may think yes, maybe.  Sometimes I feel yes, maybe.  But, given the circumstances with the bio parents, I think it's totally  natural to feel this way.  I feel Sweet Pea's bio mother feels the mommy wand has shifted as well. She is still visiting as the courts allow until the final hearing, though she signed her rights away.  When I hand Sweet Pea to her at a visit, bio mother always says thank you for bringing her, and when I come back to pick her up, bio mom says "Look who's here, and gets Sweet Pea all excited to see me."  She has also thanked me for adopting her and giving her a good life.
When we took in 2 year old Cutie Patootie as an emergency placement this past summer, we knew she would most likely be going to her grandparents.  We already were placed with Sweet Pea, and did not have intentions of adopting Cutie Patootie.  (Though we would have if the grandparents were not given custody).  She was with us for 3 months, and I did not have that possessive feeling, I think because adoption was not our intent.)
Anyway, I intended this blog to be not only a journal of my journey, but a real and honest tale  to share with others who may be just starting their journey, whether my opinions are popular or not~so they may have an insight into this process.  Also, to give and receive support from other foster/adoptive parents.
Blessings to you,
The Queen Mama

What a Merry Christmas ~ Aggravated Circumstances

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas in 2012.  We received news that the judge did in fact grant aggravated circumstances on the bio father, and that a termination of parental rights hearing for him, and a consent to adoption hearing (giving up parental rights) for the bio mother have been scheduled on the same day in March.  So, three more months of bio mom being allowed visitation, and three more months to see if bio Dad decides to voluntarily sign consent.  In my heart of hearts, I know that we will be making this beautiful little Sweet Pea a part of our family forever in 2013.
Ever faithful,
Blessings,
The Queen Mama

Still No News

Bio Mom scheduled visit last week, then canceled.  But kept visit with her other children the next day.  Hasn't scheduled a visit this week yet.  Caseworker said she doesn't know what's going on with her.  Caseworker also said that she has no new news for me.  Still no ruling on the aggravated circumstances hearing.  She said Bio Dad was very defiant and arrogant at the hearing.  He said since they (the county) started this, they can finish it.  Meaning, he will make them do the extra work of the termination hearing, instead of consenting to adoption and signing his rights over.  The lawyer pulled him aside after hearing and explained that it was in his best interests, since Bio Mom is pregnant again, that he sign consent for Sweet Pea so he could at least be around the new baby.  If rights are involuntarily terminated, he will not be permitted to be in a living situation with children for three years.  So, we will see.  Still no dates set for consent hearing for Bio Mom or termination hearing for Bio Dad.  Adopting through foster care can be a lot of hurry up and wait!
Blessings to you,
The Queen Mama

Aggravated Circumstances Hearing

Yesterday was the Bio Dad's aggravated circumstances hearing. I was told it would be quick, simple, and a done deal, and I didn't have to attend.  Well, the caseworker emailed me and told me that the judge did not make her decision, that she wanted to weigh the information and think things over and would get back to us in a few days.  Why does one need to weigh things over when Bio Dad hasn't seen his child in 10 months!? He has been in and out of jail, on the run, and when he was not incarcerated, he chose not to see her.  He had a visit with her about 3 times total.  Aggravated circumstances occur when a bio parent has not seen their child in 6 months.  I have to say that at times, this system overly frustrates me!!!

A Thankful Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving Day my dear readers!  So much to be thankful for today~my husband, who is such a hard worker and good provider for us, my children, my foster children, my extended family.  But most of all, I think I am just so thankful to have a warm, comforting, happy place to call home.  I think about foster children who are in group homes with no family contact, or those who are about to age out of the system with nowhere to go or no supports, and it humbles me to the point of tears.  I brought this point up with my children this morning to help them feel gratefulness for all of our blessings. If you are reading this, please consider ways you can help these foster children, whether it be by becoming a foster parent, spreading foster care awareness through your church or work place or donating clothing, toys, special items, etc. to your local county children and youth agency.
 To you and yours, may you be Blessed this Thanksgiving day and always.
The Queen Mama