One More Vist...

So Sweet Pea had a visit with Bio Mom the other day.  First time in 6 weeks.  It was also the next to the last time.  The caseworker said she has one more final good-bye visit when she chooses before her final consent hearing.  Selfishly,  I am jumping for joy...but then I feel guilty, because in my heart,  I am feeling sorrow for Bio Mom.  I cannot imagine saying goodbye to my child.  All I can imagine is heartache, anguish, pain...Even though she has never lived with her, as we were placed with her straight from the hospital, she did carry her for 9 months, and Sweet Pea is "her" child, biologically. 
 She brought her a few toys and a little hoodie to the visit, which I thought was very sweet.  Her entire demeanor has changed since she has been away from Bio Dad for the past 5 months.  As far as I know, she is clean and living at a halfway house where she is monitored closely.  I truly hope she can pull it together and keep it together...so she has a chance with the baby she is now carrying.  But, when Bio Dad is released from prison, I am not sure how well she will hold up.  She has told me that he has some sort of control over her emotionally.  She knows he is not good for her, but can't stay away from him.  So, my dear readers, I will be praying for God's hand of guidance in both of their lives, that they may know Him, and prosper, and that He watches over the precious baby she is carrying.
Many Blessings,
The Queen Mama

Surprise! Bio Dad Signed Consent to Adoption!

Received the most surprising phone call today...Was informed that Bio Dad signed consent to adoption or as some of you may say, "signed his parental rights away".  Now this is Dad who absolutely refused to sign a few months ago.  Not because he wanted a chance with his daughter who he has not seen in a year (only a few times in the first two months that she was born), but because he told the courts that since "they" started this (meaning the system removed the child from his custody), "they" could finish it...(meaning waste everyone's time by going through a termination hearing.)  Not sure what changed his mind, but glad he did.  It saves everyone a lot of heartache, including him.  Termination hearings are not pretty...for anyone involved.  This does, however, make the journey to adoption a little longer.  The termination hearing was about a month away, but now we have to wait about two months just for a consent hearing to be scheduled.  Depending on the courts, it could take 1-3 months after that for the hearing.  They are always so behind.  Then, another Finalization Hearing (adoption hearing) must be scheduled, which could be another 3 months.  But, I'm not complaining, because I know we will eventually get there.
As always, we do pray for Bio Dad to get his life together.  He has had a very rough family life and upbringing.  In his case, the apple didn't fall far from the tree. He is very smart, and  I pray that he knows there is hope and help for change, if he wants to.  I wonder what he would think of us praying for him? Would he be offended or would he not mind? 
Blessings to you on your journey,
The Queen Mama

Visits Almost Over!

Haven't posted in awhile, because it's been a relatively quiet month.  Bio Mom has set up 3 visits with Sweet Pea in January and canceled every single one of them.  Just got a request for another visit.  Caseworker told me after this visit (if bio Mom shows) she will be permitted one more final good-bye visit.  I am curious whether she will show for either, whether she will complain that she wants more visits until her termination date in a month, and whether she will confront me about post adoption contact.  She has only seen Sweet Pea about 10 times in her almost 14 months of life.  Being a foster adoption parent, at least from my perspective, is really, really hard sometimes.  My emotions are so torn-I am so happy for me that visits are stopping and we are moving to my little Sweet Pea becoming part of our forever family....yet , as a decent Christian human being, also feel a tug at my heartstrings for bio Mom, who no matter how unfit to parent, will have to say good-bye to her children soon.  As a parent myself, I would be devastated.  I truly pray that bio Mom is able to defeat all the demons in her life, and go on to be happy and productive. 
Blessings to you,
The Queen Mama

Foster Adoption Wishes for a Happy 2013

Happy New Year 2013 to you!  A new year means new beginnings, new perspectives, and possibly new foster children for our family.  We await placement as technically we are permitted one more child in our home per state rules.  We also await the final parental termination and final adoption hearings for our Sweet Pea.  We celebrate New Year's Eve with our children in our home~just us~playing games, eating snacks, and making our resolution lists.  We also pray for a happy, healthy, and prosperous new year.  I am sending up a special prayer for foster children everywhere, and families who are opening their hearts to them; for birth parents, and  I am praying for you on your foster/adoption journey. 
Many many blessings to you,
The Queen Mama

No Other Mother

Sitting here looking at my Sweet Pea this morning, and my Little Princess, I felt compelled to write some raw true feelings that I, as a foster/adoptive mother feel toward my little ones.  When you start fostering with the intent to adopt, I feel it is much more difficult to keep your feelings of possessiveness, righteousness, etc. under wraps.  I must admit, that from the get-go, especially with Little Princess, our daughter we adopted through foster care, I felt an instant bond, an instant feeling that "This baby is mine."  Pretty much the same with Sweet Pea.  There was that first wary feeling of unease with both of them, such as being in a dream-like state, as in "Is this really happening?  Am I really holding a baby in my arms? (after such a long wait.) But then, the Mama Bear instincts take over.  Then, as time passes, and we move through the case, with bio parents either completely disappearing or only visiting sporadically, the full-time feelings of "I am the only Mother to this child" start to kick in. 
Now, close to the end of our journey, the feeling of "There is No Other Mother" is as strong as a strong could be in my heart. Now, I do know that these children have birth parents, and am forever respectful of the fact that they brought them into this world, but as the saying goes, anyone can be a mother, but not everyone can be a mommy. Am I selfish to say these things?  Some of you may think yes, maybe.  Sometimes I feel yes, maybe.  But, given the circumstances with the bio parents, I think it's totally  natural to feel this way.  I feel Sweet Pea's bio mother feels the mommy wand has shifted as well. She is still visiting as the courts allow until the final hearing, though she signed her rights away.  When I hand Sweet Pea to her at a visit, bio mother always says thank you for bringing her, and when I come back to pick her up, bio mom says "Look who's here, and gets Sweet Pea all excited to see me."  She has also thanked me for adopting her and giving her a good life.
When we took in 2 year old Cutie Patootie as an emergency placement this past summer, we knew she would most likely be going to her grandparents.  We already were placed with Sweet Pea, and did not have intentions of adopting Cutie Patootie.  (Though we would have if the grandparents were not given custody).  She was with us for 3 months, and I did not have that possessive feeling, I think because adoption was not our intent.)
Anyway, I intended this blog to be not only a journal of my journey, but a real and honest tale  to share with others who may be just starting their journey, whether my opinions are popular or not~so they may have an insight into this process.  Also, to give and receive support from other foster/adoptive parents.
Blessings to you,
The Queen Mama

What a Merry Christmas ~ Aggravated Circumstances

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas in 2012.  We received news that the judge did in fact grant aggravated circumstances on the bio father, and that a termination of parental rights hearing for him, and a consent to adoption hearing (giving up parental rights) for the bio mother have been scheduled on the same day in March.  So, three more months of bio mom being allowed visitation, and three more months to see if bio Dad decides to voluntarily sign consent.  In my heart of hearts, I know that we will be making this beautiful little Sweet Pea a part of our family forever in 2013.
Ever faithful,
Blessings,
The Queen Mama

Still No News

Bio Mom scheduled visit last week, then canceled.  But kept visit with her other children the next day.  Hasn't scheduled a visit this week yet.  Caseworker said she doesn't know what's going on with her.  Caseworker also said that she has no new news for me.  Still no ruling on the aggravated circumstances hearing.  She said Bio Dad was very defiant and arrogant at the hearing.  He said since they (the county) started this, they can finish it.  Meaning, he will make them do the extra work of the termination hearing, instead of consenting to adoption and signing his rights over.  The lawyer pulled him aside after hearing and explained that it was in his best interests, since Bio Mom is pregnant again, that he sign consent for Sweet Pea so he could at least be around the new baby.  If rights are involuntarily terminated, he will not be permitted to be in a living situation with children for three years.  So, we will see.  Still no dates set for consent hearing for Bio Mom or termination hearing for Bio Dad.  Adopting through foster care can be a lot of hurry up and wait!
Blessings to you,
The Queen Mama