Awkward Situaions: Three Hours Talking with Birth Mom

My little Sweet Pea had a minor surgery this week.  Birth Mom signed her parental rights away two weeks ago, but is still visiting once a week until the paperwork is final (after leaving the state on the run from probation and not seeing her children for 3 months).  And, she insisted on coming to the surgery.  Now, I may sound like a callous foster parent, or just a callous person, but I really did not want birth mom at the surgery.  There is no bond between birth mom and baby.  I have had baby girl since birth, directly from the hospital.  Birth mom has seen her a handful of times over her 10 months of life.  Okay, okay, enough of defending myself.  But, I just didn't want her there.  This was my time with Sweet Pea to be her comforter, to cuddle her until she went to the O.R., to be there when she woke up.  I am her Mama in my heart, and I will be soon legally. Before I get emails that I am a birth mom hater, I am not.  I respect the rights of the birth mother, but at this point in time, she had signed her rights away Little did I know that having birth mom there would actually be somewhat of a blessing.

When we got to the hospital, they put me and Sweet Pea in a private room right away and started with the pre-op.  About 15 minutes later, Birth Mom walks in and immediately takes Sweet Pea from me.  She does not drive, so a social worker from the recently-out-of-prison-back-to-society program brought her.  Sweet Pea just sort of stared at her, but didn't fuss, and I was glad, because I didn't want her to be upset before surgery.  After we got all the preliminary pre-op questions out of the way, they let us go to a waiting area filled with toys.  I decided since I could do nothing about birth mom being there, I might as well embrace the situation, and think of Sweet Pea's best interests.  Luckily, birth mom likes me, so I was able to ask many questions about her childhood, her current relationship with birth father (which is none-they broke up as he is in jail for about a year), how she is doing with her recovery from addiction, what her future plans are, etc. so I have a chance to write these things down for Sweet Pea's benefit if she wishes to know about her birth mom in the future.  She did open up to me, and I was a good listener, and gave her my support and best wishes for her success.  She is pregnant with a boy, and she does not want to lose him to the system.

 Right now she is sober and is really trying to get her life together.  I truly hope she does.  When they took Sweet Pea to surgery, we sat in an awkward silence, so I offered to buy birth mom  lunch, and we then sat and ate our food in awkward silence.  When they brought Sweet Pea to recovery, birth mom let the nurse hand Sweet Pea to me.  About a minute later, birth mom said her ride probably wanted to leave.  She wanted to hold Sweet Pea, so I handed her over.  Sweet Pea immediately began screaming and crying.  Birth Mom tried to keep holding her, but said "Here.  She wants you anyway." and left. 

So, that was my awkward three hours with birth mom.  Looking back, I am actually glad she came, because I was able to get some family medical history from her as well as a glimpse of her psyche and childhood.  I learned she was a foster child herself, not removed from the home, but put into a home by her mother who was at her wit's end with her behavior.  The best part of her being there, was she told me she was glad that Sweet Pea was going to be adopted by me and my husband.  She said she told the caseworker that she would not sign her rights away unless she could be guaranteed that we would be adopting her.  She told me that she knows we can give her everything that she can't, and that we take very good care of her.  Though awkward, I was grateful.  I think that will be the very best thing Sweet Pea could know when she is old enough.
Blessings to you wherever you may be in your journey!
The Queen Mama

Bio Mom Signed Consent Today!

Bio Mom signed consent to adoption today.  That means she signed away her parental rights to our adorable little baby girl Sweet Pea.  I am overjoyed for our family, but at the same time saddened for Mom.  Adoption is a Celebration, but also a loss.  A loss for the bio parents, as  well as a loss of biological parents for the child.  Not that adoptive parents don't match up to bio parents-but in a perfect world, all children would live happily ever after in their safe, loving, bio families.
Bio Mom had a visit with Sweet Pea today for two hours.  She didn't say anything to me except how much food Sweet Pea ate and that she didn't drink her bottle.  When I was leaving, she said thank you twice.  That was it.  Caseworker stopped me in the parking lot and said her lawyer was meeting her there and she was signing after I left.  I just got the call that she signed.  I did ask the caseworker to ask Bio Mom if I could take a picture of her and Sweet Pea for her Lifebook.  She said she didn't mind, but not today, because she didn't like what she was wearing or how her hair looked.  I told her that is okay.  But, now it is likely I will never have a picture of her or them together.
So, now Mom has 30 days to appeal her decision.  After that, the consent papers will be filed with the courts and onto adoption we move.  I am so grateful to God the Father right now, tears are streaming down my cheeks as I type.  I still pray that Mom and Dad are able to overcome the problems in their life, and be happy and productive.
Blessings to you wherever your journey may lead  you!
The Queen Mama

Bio Mom Out of Jail Already and Wants Visitation

Well, thanks to this wonderful judicial system of ours, bio Mom is out of jail after only 1 month.  And, she has requested visitation with her children.  A normal request, because, of course, they are her children.  And, the county has to comply because her visitation was not addressed at the last hearing.  So, off we go to a visit tomorrow.  Now, the caseworker tells me that Mom is still planning on signing consent, but not sure when.  Uh huh.  I have been down this road before.  I know to let these words go in one ear and out the other.  Mom knows this case is going to termination, but I have a feeling she's going to fight til the end.  I can't blame her.  I am a Mom too, and know I would do the same thing, no matter if I knew I had done wrong or not.  So, we will see how this all plays out.  I wish I could fast forward this case and press play!
Blessings,
The Queen Mama

BREAKING NEWS: Bio Mom Pregant Again!

There is just never a dull moment in this case.  Make that any case when it comes to adopting through foster care.  Make that just doing foster care, without the intent to adopt.  I have done both.  At Sweet Pea's last hearing,(that didn't happen, but happened for her brothers, who are tied into her case), Bio Mom refused to sign over her parental rights.  I do not begrudge her this, as that is extremely difficult for a mother to do, and I don't think I could do it either.  Sweet Pea had her actual hearing this past week.  I did not have to attend.
Caseworker told me that Bio Mom and Dad were both considering signing over consent to adoption since they were told that aggravated circumstances have been filed for Dad and would be filed for Mom, meaning once their parental rights were terminated, they would not be able to have any children in their care for the next three years.
 BREAKING NEWS:  Caseworker found out at the hearing that Mom is pregnant again! Not sure how far along.  However, this news means that if her rights are terminated, the baby will be immediately removed from her care at birth (and placed with us-caseworker already asked), and be free for adoption.
Wow!! Regardless, the children already in foster care are heading for adoption.  Rights will be terminated whether they volunteer, or the court finds.  So, the future of this unborn child lay in their hands right now.  If they sign, they get to keep their child, but will most likely be under the scrutiny of child services.  If they don't sign, they will lose their child to child services.   Father in Heaven, I pray that these birth parents may find You in their lives, as their life and the future of their child are at stake.  I pray that when they are released from prison, they are able to eventually turn their life around, and realize that their children are the most precious gifts and that they are number one priority.  In Jesus Name, Amen.
Thank you, dear readers for your continued prayers through posts, emails, and even just in your hearts!
Blessings,
The Queen Mama

A Visit With Mom in Handcuffs

Sweet Pea had her permanency hearing last week.  Well, her brothers had theirs, hers was postponed because Bio Dad said he did not know about it (although he's in jail, and my letter states it went to him and his lawyer), but anyway, it is rescheduled.  However, since I was present at the sibling hearing (which Sweet Pea's was a part of), and Bio Mom was present, we had to endure a "visit".  Bio Mom requested visitation for that day during the hearing with the judge and he complied.  Bio Mom, who sat there in her prison stripes, shackled legs and handcuffs...Bio Mom, who violated her probation when she left the state with her prison escapee boyfriend, who left her children for 3 months without a good-bye, without a note, without a call to the caseworker....who would still be "on the lam" if she wasn't apprehended.  Bio Mom, who has seen her 9 month old baby girl a total of 24 hours over 6 months since she was born...wants a visit.  Forgive my crassness, but the system really stinks!
Anyway, the deputies took Bio Mom to a very small room and removed her cuffs.  I took Sweet Pea to see her.  Two caseworkers came with me.  Bio Mom cried when she held Sweet Pea.  Perhaps, since she was now sober after being incarcerated for three weeks, she could clearly see the consequences of her actions, what she gave up...a precious little life...the life she and her boyfriend made...a life she knows she will lose the rights to soon...all to be with her boyfriend, for drugs, for whatever...I, of course, was very nice to Bio Mom, and answered questions she posed to me about Sweet Pea.  I don't hate this person, or loathe her.  I don't feel sorry for her, as she made her choices.  I do, however, empathize with her as one mother to another...I could tell by her face, her tears, that she did realize how precious Sweet Pea is...Does she hate me?  I don't know.  She has never shown it.  I do know that she wants post adoption contact, and that is not going to happen.  So, the answer to my previous question may change...
Such is adoption through foster care..
Blessings, my dear readers,
The Queen Mama

Headed for Adoption!!

Happy happy joy joy!!  The caseworker visited us today.  She said our case is definitely headed for adoption.  Bio Dad being incarcerated for a long time, and incapable of parenting.  Bio Mom incarcerated and incapable of parenting. No termination hearings set yet, but will be after permanency hearing next week, unless Mom consents prior.  I never like to hope or declare before things are final, so I am still cautious.  No grandparents have expressed interest, except one, who is also an addict and criminal.  The agency assured me they would not even consider placement with her.  BUT, you never know what will happen in a case, and anything can happen.  So, my heart sings, however cautiously at this news we received today.  Thank you for your continued prayers!
Many Blessings to You on your Journey, whatever it may be,
The Queen Mama

Breaking News~Bio Parents Found

Sweet Pea's bio parents have been missing~Bio Dad escaped house arrest 4 months ago, and Bio Mom skipped town while on probation a little less than 4 months ago.  I was informed yesterday by caseworker that they were both apprehended and are incarcerated.  Bio Dad should be going away for quite a few years, as he accumulated more charges while on the run.  Bio Mom should be out in a few months.  But, her lawyer indicated she may be willing to sign consent to adoption for all of her children.  In other words, she may voluntarily terminate her own parental rights. This has got to be THE most heart wrenching decision for a parent to make.  If she does not sign her rights away, the agency will file for termination of her rights, and a court hearing will ensue with the Judge making the decision. Bio Dad's rights are already in the process of being terminated for aggravated circumstances (abandonment for 6 months or more).
Now don't get me wrong, as a foster parent, I always hope and pray that the bio parents will get their lives together and be awarded custody of their children.  However, as a foster adoptive parent, as in this case, I truly feel, no.....make that, I truly KNOW that these parents are unable to parent their children.  (and Bio Dad is only the father of Sweet Pea-not the other children).  They abandoned their children.  Walked away.  Chose drugs and a life of crime. Severe mental health issues that result in being a danger to themselves and others.  So, dear readers, I again put this case, this child, in the hands of God and pray he chooses to keep this baby girl in a stable, loving family environment. 
Many blessings to you on your journey,
The Queen Mama