Foster Adoption FAQ/ Info

Here are our answers as they have pertained to our experience to Frequently Asked Questions about Foster Adoption: Please scroll down to bottom of page to  find Foster Adoption Resources.

So the main question everyone wants to know the answer to:

Why did you choose to do foster care?  (A question that we get a lot).
 Sometimes, I can't say for sure. It was an incredible urge to add to our family, feeling led by God.  A feeling in the pit of my stomach that wouldn't go away.  It was also maybe a little bit of wanting to save the world, maybe a little bit of selfishness on our part to not want to have an empty nest any sooner than we have to, maybe a lot of feeling blessed and wanting to give back,  But I can say for sure, without a doubt, that God knows why he planted this urge to foster children in our hearts, just like he knows how many hairs are on our heads.  And that when a little one calls us Mama or Daddy and gives us hugs and kisses, or when a bio parent or grandparent thanks us from the bottom of their hearts for helping their families, we know why.  And we are thankful, and honored, and humbled to be a part of the greater scheme of things.
Blessings to you in your journeys~
The Queen Mama

1.  I'm not sure I can love a child that is not biologically mine.  Is it hard?

      For us, it was easy! It was instant love as soon as we saw our daughter. Even when we must send a child back home or to a kinship placement, we still have loved that child like we do our own while they were with us.  When someone puts a child in our care, an instinctive motherly/fatherly protective, loving feeling comes over us as soon as they are in our home. The heart knows no boundaries on the capacity to love.

2.  Doesn't it cost a lot of money to adopt?

     When adopting from foster care, the cost is very minimal if any at all.  The county you are fostering from pays you a monthly stipend (though not a lot-every county is different) to help care for the child's basic needs while in foster care.  If a child meets special needs requirements (which may only be that he/she is part of a sibling group, is over age 5, or has current or may be predisposed to future medical/mental needs), he/she may be eligible for a state subsidy and healthcare coverage until age 18-21.  Our adoption cost us $250 for the lawyer fee, which was reimbursed to us by our county agency, essentially we paid $0.

3.  There aren't many babies or young children eligible for adoption through foster care, is there?

     This is a myth.  Unfortunately, children come into the system at any age, sometimes directly at birth.  You can specify to your agency the age group you are willing to foster or adopt.  We have had 9 foster children in the past four years- 5 babies, two 2 year olds, a 4 yr old and a 6 yr old.  Remember, older children and teens need forever families too, and are most often in the system due to no fault of their own. 

4.  How do you give them back?  I could never do that.

      This question always upsets me.  It infers that we have no feelings or somehow don't care for our foster children.   Yes, it is hard.  Yes, it pulls on our heartstrings. We are not super parents or any different from anyone else.   Though we love each child who enters our home, we know that they are not "ours".  We know we are taking care of them and loving them temporarily, unless the county tells us they are changing the goal to adoption. Sometimes we have to tell ourselves that every day. We rely on our faith that God has a plan for each child, and try to empathize with what the birth parents must be feeling.  We have also prayed for an expansion of our family, and know that God will eventually place us with the child that is meant to be with us forever.

5.  Isn't there a lot of paperwork and training?

     In our county, we are only required 12 hours of training per year. It can even be done online. The paperwork is minimal.  The rewards of loving and caring for the children are endless.

6.  Do I have to foster to adopt? Can't I just adopt?

     Yes, you can do a "straight adoption" from your local foster care agency.  However, foster parents who have had the child in their home are usually given first choice if the child becomes available for adoption, therefore adopting without fostering may take longer.  However, there are some foster parents who only foster, and then that child would be available for someone else to adopt.  Also, sometimes, if a parent has already had rights terminated for prior children, a newborn can be available for adoption directly at birth.

7.  Aren't all the kids bad in foster care?

     This is a myth also.  Children in foster care are in foster care because of neglect, abuse, or a dangerous home.  These children are not at fault for being removed.  They sometimes will have behaviors because they have lack of supervision or abuse or are adjusting to a new living situation. Children do act out in different ways, and you must be aware of what you are willing to handle.  Some act out physically, sexually, or are quiet or withdrawn.  Some have attachment issues.  Some have nothing wrong at all.  The counties/states offer free therapy, counseling, and other programs for children with special needs through foster care.

If you have any more questions about our experience of adoption through foster care, please contact me at fosteradoptionmommy@gmail.com 

National Foster Parent Association

National Foster Care & Adoption Directory

Foster Parenting.Com

Adopting.org~This page lists all kinds of foster parent resources.

Casey Foster Organization

The Freddie Mac Foundation

National Adoption Center

The Dave Thomas Foundation/Wendy's Wonderful Kids

Child Welfare League of America

Adopt US Kids.org

A Family For Every Child

Resources for Homeless and Runaway Youth