Sitting here looking at my Sweet Pea this morning, and my Little Princess, I felt compelled to write some raw true feelings that I, as a foster/adoptive mother feel toward my little ones. When you start fostering with the intent to adopt, I feel it is much more difficult to keep your feelings of possessiveness, righteousness, etc. under wraps. I must admit, that from the get-go, especially with Little Princess, our daughter we adopted through foster care, I felt an instant bond, an instant feeling that "This baby is mine." Pretty much the same with Sweet Pea. There was that first wary feeling of unease with both of them, such as being in a dream-like state, as in "Is this really happening? Am I really holding a baby in my arms? (after such a long wait.) But then, the Mama Bear instincts take over. Then, as time passes, and we move through the case, with bio parents either completely disappearing or only visiting sporadically, the full-time feelings of "I am the only Mother to this child" start to kick in.
Now, close to the end of our journey, the feeling of "There is No Other Mother" is as strong as a strong could be in my heart. Now, I do know that these children have birth parents, and am forever respectful of the fact that they brought them into this world, but as the saying goes, anyone can be a mother, but not everyone can be a mommy. Am I selfish to say these things? Some of you may think yes, maybe. Sometimes I feel yes, maybe. But, given the circumstances with the bio parents, I think it's totally natural to feel this way. I feel Sweet Pea's bio mother feels the mommy wand has shifted as well. She is still visiting as the courts allow until the final hearing, though she signed her rights away. When I hand Sweet Pea to her at a visit, bio mother always says thank you for bringing her, and when I come back to pick her up, bio mom says "Look who's here, and gets Sweet Pea all excited to see me." She has also thanked me for adopting her and giving her a good life.
When we took in 2 year old Cutie Patootie as an emergency placement this past summer, we knew she would most likely be going to her grandparents. We already were placed with Sweet Pea, and did not have intentions of adopting Cutie Patootie. (Though we would have if the grandparents were not given custody). She was with us for 3 months, and I did not have that possessive feeling, I think because adoption was not our intent.)
Anyway, I intended this blog to be not only a journal of my journey, but a real and honest tale to share with others who may be just starting their journey, whether my opinions are popular or not~so they may have an insight into this process. Also, to give and receive support from other foster/adoptive parents.
Blessings to you,
The Queen Mama