"I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him." 1 Samuel 1:27
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Friday, June 8, 2012

Attachment Issues

Attachment Issues-and I'm not talking about the baby.  I'm talking about me, haha!  And I'm not talking about having a hard time attaching, I'm saying I'm attached.  Sweet Pea had an evaluation today with a team of specialists to discuss her muscle tone and milestone progress.  They asked me to be present, as well as bio Mom.  The team was asking Bio Mom questions to which she had no answers (lack of time spent with Sweet Pea) and finally said, "You're gonna have to talk to her", meaning me.

So, to make a long story short, the baby has some muscle weakness but is doing well and they showed me exercises to do with her to help.  Then, at the end of our meeting, the therapist said to Sweet Pea "Okay, back to Mom you go", and while they handed her to Bio Mom I literally had to hold my hands against my body to stop myself from grabbing Sweet Pea."  It was a natural instinct when they said "Back to Mom you go".  As Bio Mom has missed most of her visits, the most recent being the last two weeks in a row, I have become more and more attached to little Sweet Pea.  It's almost like that one relationship you had that you knew was too good to be true---you were head over heels and gave your full heart, knowing it probably wouldn't last.  That is how it feels to me to be a foster parent.  Loving the children like they are your own, yet knowing any day the phone could ring with a long lost relative wanting custody, or the caseworker calling to say the child is going home or to kin.  Am I that crazy over protective over reacting foster parent?  No, I don't think so.  I keep my emotions in check (at least in front of everyone).

So why do we put ourselves through this?  (A question that we get a lot).  Sometimes, I can't say for sure. Maybe a little bit of wanting to save the world, maybe a little bit of feeling blessed and wanting to give back, maybe a little bit of selfishness on our part to not want to have an empty nest any sooner than we have to.  But I can say for sure, without a doubt, that God knows why he planted this urge to foster children in our hearts, just like he knows how many hairs are on our heads.  And that when a little one calls us Mama or Daddy and gives us hugs and kisses, or when a bio parent or grandparent thanks us from the bottom of their hearts for helping their families, we know why.  And we are thankful, and honored, and humbled to be a part of the greater scheme of things.
Blessings to you in your journeys~
The Queen Mama

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