Sweet Pea's bio parents have been missing~Bio Dad escaped house arrest 4 months ago, and Bio Mom skipped town while on probation a little less than 4 months ago. I was informed yesterday by caseworker that they were both apprehended and are incarcerated. Bio Dad should be going away for quite a few years, as he accumulated more charges while on the run. Bio Mom should be out in a few months. But, her lawyer indicated she may be willing to sign consent to adoption for all of her children. In other words, she may voluntarily terminate her own parental rights. This has got to be THE most heart wrenching decision for a parent to make. If she does not sign her rights away, the agency will file for termination of her rights, and a court hearing will ensue with the Judge making the decision. Bio Dad's rights are already in the process of being terminated for aggravated circumstances (abandonment for 6 months or more).
Now don't get me wrong, as a foster parent, I always hope and pray that the bio parents will get their lives together and be awarded custody of their children. However, as a foster adoptive parent, as in this case, I truly feel, no.....make that, I truly KNOW that these parents are unable to parent their children. (and Bio Dad is only the father of Sweet Pea-not the other children). They abandoned their children. Walked away. Chose drugs and a life of crime. Severe mental health issues that result in being a danger to themselves and others. So, dear readers, I again put this case, this child, in the hands of God and pray he chooses to keep this baby girl in a stable, loving family environment.
Many blessings to you on your journey,
The Queen Mama
Friday, August 31, 2012
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
What a Beautiful Family You Have!
My husband and I took our children and foster baby girl to the river for the weekend. Dear friends of ours have a beautiful vacation home right on the river, and offered it to us, free of charge. They knew we had not been able to take a vacation this summer because we had been caring for Cutie Patootie and Sweet Pea. Since Cutie Patootie was sent to live with her grandparents, we jumped at the chance to go. (much less chaos in the group.) Anyway, we had a great time. Saturday, Big Daddy and the boys went down the river in big inter tubes. They had a blast. Princess, Sweet Pea and I waited on the shore for them, and a light rain had started.
They all showered, and we headed out to dinner at a local restaurant. It was crowded, but we managed to get a table for 7 fairly quickly. I noticed what looked like a wealthier retired couple sitting next to us. They were dressed very nicely, and drinking wine from fancy glasses. Here sat me, with my frizzy hair from the rain, no makeup, and my crew~all of us in "play clothes" because we were at the river. The couple kept looking at us and talking in low voices. I cringed to myself, thinking they probably wished all these children were not seated right next to them.
So, to my surprise, when we left, the couple stopped me (everyone had gone ahead of me). The wife said, "Excuse me. What a beautiful family you have." "Thank you.", I told her, waiting for the BUT part to come. It never came-she went on to say how impressed she was with our children, that they were so well behaved, and how you don't see big families anymore, and how much she loved seeing big families. I told her thank you again and how blessed we feel to have a big family as well. I did not go into the "We are foster parents shpiel (is that even a word?)" or that we adopted through foster care. I simply grinned from ear to ear as we walked to the car, happy that our family looked like it belonged together, knowing that we do.
Now, Queen Mama is a BIG advocate of foster care and adoption through foster care and usually always tell curious people our story. But, for this weekend, I just relished being a family...not a foster family, not an adoptive family, just a beautiful family...
Blessings to you and your beautiful family,
The Queen Mama
http://www.soylicious.com/candlequeen
They all showered, and we headed out to dinner at a local restaurant. It was crowded, but we managed to get a table for 7 fairly quickly. I noticed what looked like a wealthier retired couple sitting next to us. They were dressed very nicely, and drinking wine from fancy glasses. Here sat me, with my frizzy hair from the rain, no makeup, and my crew~all of us in "play clothes" because we were at the river. The couple kept looking at us and talking in low voices. I cringed to myself, thinking they probably wished all these children were not seated right next to them.
So, to my surprise, when we left, the couple stopped me (everyone had gone ahead of me). The wife said, "Excuse me. What a beautiful family you have." "Thank you.", I told her, waiting for the BUT part to come. It never came-she went on to say how impressed she was with our children, that they were so well behaved, and how you don't see big families anymore, and how much she loved seeing big families. I told her thank you again and how blessed we feel to have a big family as well. I did not go into the "We are foster parents shpiel (is that even a word?)" or that we adopted through foster care. I simply grinned from ear to ear as we walked to the car, happy that our family looked like it belonged together, knowing that we do.
Now, Queen Mama is a BIG advocate of foster care and adoption through foster care and usually always tell curious people our story. But, for this weekend, I just relished being a family...not a foster family, not an adoptive family, just a beautiful family...
Blessings to you and your beautiful family,
The Queen Mama
http://www.soylicious.com/candlequeen
Candles anyone? My New Moms Work From Home Business!
Well dear readers, The Queen Mama has added another business to her plate. I love the blessing of being a stay at home Mama, but living on one income with many children does have it's setbacks. I am an entrepreneur at heart, having worked transcription, data entry, sales, and customer service for the past several years. However, with the addition of our new baby, the foster kids that come and go, being on the phone, or transcribing with little ones has become next to impossible. So, I have found a wonderful business called Soylicious that sells yummy scented soy candles, soaps, and sprays. They burn clean and best yet, are made in the good ole' USA!! I always burn scented candles to help my home be welcoming and hospitable. Check out my website: http://www.soylicious.com/candlequeen (like my name? Thought I would stick with the Queen theme) You may find something you just love-great for your home or gifts for any occasion ~CHRISTMAS~ will be here before you know it! OR, if you've always wanted to work from home, visit the OPPORTUNITY page on my site. You can sell strictly online! It's that easy! Blessings! The Queen Mama
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Cutie Patootie Placed with Grandparents
After a little over two months, Cutie Patootie was placed back with her grandparents today. I am happy for her and them. She was very attached to them, and they her, since having lived with them off and on since birth. They said they learned their lesson, and promised the judge they would follow the rules. I sincerely hope they do. I have a little feeling of emptiness and sadness tonight, but if Cutie needs placed in foster care again, I will have to decline placement. She is very sweet (when alone), but she and my daughter just did not mesh. At the end of her stay, I would have thought my daughter would have adjusted better, but the longer Cutie was with us, the worse my daughter's attitude and behavior got.
Although, I think Cutie did enjoy her stay with us overall. She called us Mama and Daddy (normal for a small child), and told us she loved us all day everyday. She laughed, and played, and learned to say prayers (which the grandparents and bio Mom thanked me for), learned how to chew with her mouth closed, and was almost completely potty trained when she left. I am glad we had the opportunity to help this family, and look forward to our next placement. (We still are taking care of Sweet Pea too!)
Many Blessings,
The Queen Mama
Although, I think Cutie did enjoy her stay with us overall. She called us Mama and Daddy (normal for a small child), and told us she loved us all day everyday. She laughed, and played, and learned to say prayers (which the grandparents and bio Mom thanked me for), learned how to chew with her mouth closed, and was almost completely potty trained when she left. I am glad we had the opportunity to help this family, and look forward to our next placement. (We still are taking care of Sweet Pea too!)
Many Blessings,
The Queen Mama
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
All Visits Stopped for Sweet Pea
I received a phone call today telling me that all visits with Bio Mom are stopped for now. She has missed her last 3 visits and no one has heard from her. She may have left the state and gone with Bio Dad who is also missing.
Mixed emotions-sadness that a mother leaves her children-though this did happen in our case with our daughter, Princess, so it is not a surprise to me. Hopefulness, that Sweet Pea may be able to become a permanent part of our family. However, I try to never let my heart go there, to protect it somewhat, in the case that she would not stay with us.
Never a dull moment when you are a foster parent.
Blessings,
The Queen Mama
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Foster Adoption Journey Update
Hello Dear Readers,
A quick update on our journey-Sweet Pea's Bio Mom has missed the last two visits, Bio Dad still missing. A permanency hearing is scheduled for some time in August. Cutie Patootie's grandparents had a court hearing last week-the judge was going to return her to them, but had a change of heart at the last minute, and decided to continue their weekend visits for another month before he makes a final decision. So, we continue on.
My feelings are: unsettled. Must have patience!!!!!
Blessings!
A quick update on our journey-Sweet Pea's Bio Mom has missed the last two visits, Bio Dad still missing. A permanency hearing is scheduled for some time in August. Cutie Patootie's grandparents had a court hearing last week-the judge was going to return her to them, but had a change of heart at the last minute, and decided to continue their weekend visits for another month before he makes a final decision. So, we continue on.
My feelings are: unsettled. Must have patience!!!!!
Blessings!
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Bio Family Boundaries
Being a foster family is very interesting, to say the least. Emotions are torn every which way. First and foremost, the foster child is our main priority. We are here to keep him/her safe, loved, fed, clothed, emotionally enriched, and happy until he/she is returned to Mom/Dad/Grandparents/Other Kin, or an adoption plan/permanent placement is put in place. Along the way, we encounter the bio family at visits and court. I must say, for the most part (minus a few isolated incidents), the bio families have treated us with kindness and gratitude, and we them. Our current foster children's bio families have been very interesting.
1. Sweet Pea's bio Dad is still on the lam. Bio Mom is still missing visits about every two visits, and just not quite with it. Sometimes she talks a lot, asks me for advice, tells me what's going on in her life, other times she doesn't say much at all. I've met her father once at court-he was decent and grilled me on how hard it must be to be a foster parent. Her mother has never seen Sweet Pea because she doesn't want to get attached to her if she is placed with us permanently. Understandable.
2. Cutie Patootie's bio family is a whole other story. Bio Mom is very dramatic. She gushes to all the workers and Sweet Pea's mom at every visit about how thankful she is to have us as her foster family. I am glad she feels that way. However, this last visit she gave me her telephone number and asked me to call her if I need anything. I told her I was not permitted to call her per foster parent rules. She was like, "Well, you know, if it were your kid, if you were in my place, you would want me to call you." Well, ya, but no. I can't. Sorry. Her parents were granted weekend visits every weekend with Cutie. Caseworker said goal is to reunify with grandparents (by the judge-caseworker is against this). So, I meet the grandparents in a neutral location unsupervised to hand her over. This is fine-they seem like nice people-a little rough around the edges, but okay. However, grandparents have begun to cling emotionally to me. It all started while in the waiting room for her first court date (you can read about that in my previous post EMOTIONS RUN HIGH IN THE COURTROOM). They pleaded their case to me and I, as a good foster parent does, smiled and nodded and told them the first goal is always to keep families together.
Well, from there, the caseworker told me they wanted my phone number (of course they can't have it), and at all of our visitation drop offs/pickups, they again plead their case to me, ask me what I know, what I think of their daughter, what the caseworker said, etc. etc. They asked me if what they tell me is in confidence (that I won't tell caseworker). I told them that if they tell me something that I feel is a threat to Cutie's safety that I have to tell the caseworker. They have told me many personal things about them, (their work background, their illnesses, their disabilities, their mental state, family happenings ) and VERY PERSONAL THINGS about their daughter, that are not harmful but make me basically uncomfortable and possibly question their mental stability. Have you ever heard the saying TMI? (too much information) but all in all, they seem to love Cutie very much and I can tell they have taken good care of her.
I DO understand how upset they are. My heart goes out to them, but I basically tell them the same thing every time-that I am not the one that makes the decisions, and actually am not told anything about the case except visitation times, court dates, etc. When you are a foster parent, I feel it's important to say as little as possible about the case to bio family. Words can be misconstrued and reported to caseworker, or in court. My caseworker says just smile and nod. I know they feel as in the dark as I do about what goes on in the case, and they are clinging to me to find out whatever they can, but boundaries have to be put in place.
Well, I realize I have been writing and writing and ranting for a long post-I hope I haven't bored you-just wanted to explain that I feel some boundaries are needed when dealing with bio families.
Blessings to you in your journey-no matter what part of it you are on!
The Queen Mama
FOLLOW ME! CLICK ON "JOIN MY JOURNEY" ON THE MAIN PAGE OF THE BLOG
1. Sweet Pea's bio Dad is still on the lam. Bio Mom is still missing visits about every two visits, and just not quite with it. Sometimes she talks a lot, asks me for advice, tells me what's going on in her life, other times she doesn't say much at all. I've met her father once at court-he was decent and grilled me on how hard it must be to be a foster parent. Her mother has never seen Sweet Pea because she doesn't want to get attached to her if she is placed with us permanently. Understandable.
2. Cutie Patootie's bio family is a whole other story. Bio Mom is very dramatic. She gushes to all the workers and Sweet Pea's mom at every visit about how thankful she is to have us as her foster family. I am glad she feels that way. However, this last visit she gave me her telephone number and asked me to call her if I need anything. I told her I was not permitted to call her per foster parent rules. She was like, "Well, you know, if it were your kid, if you were in my place, you would want me to call you." Well, ya, but no. I can't. Sorry. Her parents were granted weekend visits every weekend with Cutie. Caseworker said goal is to reunify with grandparents (by the judge-caseworker is against this). So, I meet the grandparents in a neutral location unsupervised to hand her over. This is fine-they seem like nice people-a little rough around the edges, but okay. However, grandparents have begun to cling emotionally to me. It all started while in the waiting room for her first court date (you can read about that in my previous post EMOTIONS RUN HIGH IN THE COURTROOM). They pleaded their case to me and I, as a good foster parent does, smiled and nodded and told them the first goal is always to keep families together.
Well, from there, the caseworker told me they wanted my phone number (of course they can't have it), and at all of our visitation drop offs/pickups, they again plead their case to me, ask me what I know, what I think of their daughter, what the caseworker said, etc. etc. They asked me if what they tell me is in confidence (that I won't tell caseworker). I told them that if they tell me something that I feel is a threat to Cutie's safety that I have to tell the caseworker. They have told me many personal things about them, (their work background, their illnesses, their disabilities, their mental state, family happenings ) and VERY PERSONAL THINGS about their daughter, that are not harmful but make me basically uncomfortable and possibly question their mental stability. Have you ever heard the saying TMI? (too much information) but all in all, they seem to love Cutie very much and I can tell they have taken good care of her.
I DO understand how upset they are. My heart goes out to them, but I basically tell them the same thing every time-that I am not the one that makes the decisions, and actually am not told anything about the case except visitation times, court dates, etc. When you are a foster parent, I feel it's important to say as little as possible about the case to bio family. Words can be misconstrued and reported to caseworker, or in court. My caseworker says just smile and nod. I know they feel as in the dark as I do about what goes on in the case, and they are clinging to me to find out whatever they can, but boundaries have to be put in place.
Well, I realize I have been writing and writing and ranting for a long post-I hope I haven't bored you-just wanted to explain that I feel some boundaries are needed when dealing with bio families.
Blessings to you in your journey-no matter what part of it you are on!
The Queen Mama
FOLLOW ME! CLICK ON "JOIN MY JOURNEY" ON THE MAIN PAGE OF THE BLOG
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